I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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