Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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