Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
