I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
