I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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