Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
