I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
