John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
