Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
