i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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