Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
