But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I love black thongs
I wanna passion pit in your ass
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
