HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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