my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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