when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
