I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
