so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
