Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
