Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
