i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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