you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
