It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
