I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
as a side note pls kill me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
