Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Soap is not a condiment
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
