It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
