Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
