Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
