My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
