I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
splinters make it hard to masturbate
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
