my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
