In the future we'll all be gay
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
