and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
