I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
