Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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