soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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