Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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