My liver just broke up with me...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found puke in my bra..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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