So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
