Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
