so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
