It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
