Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You pole danced in your parka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
