I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
