High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
