OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
