So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
