Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
