I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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