you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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