Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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